I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
