Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
