so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
