the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
