I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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