i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
