I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
