Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
