i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
