he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
