At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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