I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
