What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
