whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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