i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
