So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
