His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
