I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
