Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
