Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
