Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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