Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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