im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
