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Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
