I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
