Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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