I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
