I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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