I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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