Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
