i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
