My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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