I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
