Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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