i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
