For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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