I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
