I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
