Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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