Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
