just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
