i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
