And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
