currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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