it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
