that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
