she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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