what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
