Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
