Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
