Little spoons don't ask big questions
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i think i just lost a toe
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