Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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