They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think my mom watched the whole time
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
