Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
