I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
