I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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